Saturday, February 17, 2024

12th Fail—The Light Within

In 12th Fail, Vidhu Vinod Chopra tells the real-life story of Manoj Kumar Sharma (Vikrant Massey), who overcomes extreme hardships to become an Indian Police Service (IPS) officer. The film is based on the 2019 eponymous non-fiction book by Anurag Pathak. 12th Fail has received much love since its release. I was unsure how the film would turn out, but I was surprised. It has been quite a while since I experienced emotional catharsis while watching a Hindi film, but 12th Fail is so poignant that by the end of it, I don't think it is possible to remain unaffected by it. I was immensely moved by its honesty. Much has already been written about it, but I still wanted to write about the different aspects of the film, which not only has an uplifting story but is also beautifully made.
The Kindness of People
There is a lot of brutality in the world of Manoj. However, at the same time, enough kind people helped him—a complete stranger—reach his goal. Be it the police inspector Dushyant Singh (Priyanshu Chatterjee) who comes to rescue him in the middle of the night, the restaurant owner who offers him a free meal, Pandey (Anant V Joshi) who takes him to Delhi, or Gauri Bhaiya (Anshumaan Pushkar) who offers him coaching and guidance and all sorts of other help. Manoj is indebted to all of them and will remember them all his life. Gauri Bhaiya joked that Manoj should return twice the amount he had loaned him when he becomes an officer. When Pandey is in jail, Manoj is the only one who comes to help him. When Manoj had his final interview, he first went to Pandey to meet him even though they were not talking because of a fight. After Manoj becomes a police officer, he gives the first card of his wedding to Dushyant. He is following Shah Rukh Khan's advice in Luck By Chance—to never forget those who knew you when you were a nobody.
Cheating and Honesty
The film opens with Manoj preparing chits for cheating. Manoj believed that honesty was a useless principle and no good comes of it. His interaction with Dushyant changes his belief, and he takes his advice to give up cheating as the gospel truth. He stopped cheating in his exams and everything else in life. He also started following in his father's footsteps to become an honest man. Manoj seems to have shades of the heroes from Satyakaam and Newton, where, like them, he is sometimes arrogant about his honesty. At places, Manoj reminded me of the principled Amol from Chhapaak, also played by Vikrant Massey.
Privilege
One of the central themes of 12th Fail is the notion of privilege. It makes the point that it is tough for someone not born with a silver spoon to make it in life. They have to work harder to reach the top, and their victories are more difficult than those who win the lottery of birth. The struggles of the underprivileged are harder than those of the privileged. Only a handful of students from the Hindi medium clear the final round. So, when someone from such a background makes it, they deserve it more. Manoj cites the example of Edmund Hillary, who climbed Mount Everest, where he says there was a sherpa with him who climbed without oxygen. The sherpa has had to work harder to reach there. In his case, he ran the race without oxygen and nange pair.
The film mentions more aspects of privilege that can bestow certain other advantages. In the interview, Manoj is asked to prove if he would fit in with the officer culture, given his background in Hindi medium. He uses water to make his point. He asks for water in a steel glass, perplexing the interviewer, who says water remains the same in whatever container. Manoj makes the precise point that language is only a medium, so he can succeed there as well. As the teacher also explained, the technology in propulsion remains the same, whether it is a large satellite or a tiny cracker rocket.
Power
The film advocates that power in the hands of the right can bring metamorphosis in social and political aspects. Manoj's first brush with politics is in his village, where the local politician won't let him drive his vehicle. During his interview, he cited the same instance where he would not allow such things to happen if he were made an officer. After meeting with Dushyant, he realized that power in the hands of an honest person can change the world. Shraddha (Medha Shankar) also mentions that she wants to become an officer because she wants the power to stop injustice in the world. In this aspect, a few mentions of APJ Abdul Kalam and B.R. Ambedkar are present in the film. In the cleverly-shot scene, the film also shows a photograph of Swami Vivekananda.
Restart
In the film's opening moments, Manoj's father recites a few words from Atal Bihari Vajpayee's poem Geet Naya Gaata Hoon. He says"Haar nahi manunga, raar nayi thanunga." I will not concede defeat; I will start the struggle afresh. This essentially surmises the life story of Manoj. He does not give up. Even if he fails, he restarts from scratch. Gauri Bhaiya uses the example of snakes and ladders to underscore the same point. Life is a game of constant snakes and ladders; if one falls back to the beginning, one must restart. Gauri's Bhaiya shop is aptly named Restart.
Sight and Sound
12th Fail has much to see. Early in the film, Dushyant is offered a bribe by the school principal for allowing students to cheat. Manoj and the other students gathered outside and watched from behind the iron bars in the window. Later, the viewpoint of being behind bars is repeated when the police arrest Manoj and his brother for jugaad. Then, when Manoj loses his luggage in Gwalior, he looks at the food shop from a similar viewpoint. In the end, when the results were announced, we again saw that students were standing behind bars. This is befitting of the film's theme of crossing these barriers from one world to another world. The other side lies in power, and Manoj has reached that side with his immense grit.
The other noteworthy thing about 12th Fail is its fantastic use of sound. The film opens in Chambal, with some dramatic sounds playing at the introduction. The background music is lovely, which, Vidhu Vinod Chopra has clarified in an interview, is inspired by Satyajit Ray's Pather Panchali. When Manoj loses his bag in Gwalior, he seems disoriented, and all the crackers start bursting, downing everything out. This instance is repeated before his interview, where he becomes lost in the din of thought, and the sounds of his mind drown everything out.
Mirrors
The Light Within
After Manoj leaves the library, he starts working and living in a flour mill. The space there is so constricted that he cannot even stand erect. Shraddha visits him and questions how he will study in all the darkness. A smiling Manoj replies that his father used to say, "Baahar ke andhere se nahi, andar ke andhere se daro. Suvidhaayon ke laalach me samjhauton ka andhera." Do not fear the darkness outside; fear the darkness within. One has to deal with the darkness of compromises for different comforts. He says he is not afraid of the darkness of the outside world. Perhaps that is why he is always seen around light bulbs throughout the film. The shiny aura of the light outside complements the light within him. During his final interview, he is asked what he would do if he did not become a police officer. He says that once studying under a street lamp, he learned, "If I cannot be the sun that lights up the earth, if I cannot be the sun that shines upon the earth, I can still be a lamp and light up my street." He compares himself to the lamp, where he is happy to shine light upon a few students and teach them. Even in the interview room, we can see the lamps in the frame when he walks out.
History Repeats
The narrative in the film repeats an earlier moment in some places. Early on, Manoj runs to Dushyant to ask for help when his brother is arrested by the police. He exhorts him to help him immediately. Later, the situation comes back twice in different forms. First, when Manoj clears the prelims, he runs to Deep Mohan (Sam Mohan) to ask for help as he owes him. Second, Manoj helped his friend Pandey when the police arrested him without due process. It is almost the reverse of the earlier situation, where he becomes the rescuer instead of the one being rescued.
Manoj's father, Ramveer Sharma (Harish Khanna), was also a principled man. He refused to engage in corrupt practices, which caused his bosses to let him go. His father was suspended from his job as he refused to be complicit in a scam. In an altercation, he throws his slippers at the boss before storming out. Later, Manoj had a similar interaction where he, too, threw his slippers at the librarian who accused him of cheating. 
Pandey
12th Fail is narrated by Pandey. In many places, Pandey's words and actions are reminiscent of Farhan Qureshi's (R. Madhavan's) from 3 Idiots, also produced by Vidhu Vinod Chopra. Pandey wants to be in the media, but, like Farhan, he does not have the courage to tell his father. In choosing him as the narrator, the film also gives him a chance to make his dream of telling stories come true. Sometimes, Pandey's words reminded me of the line in 3 Idiots where they said, "Dost fail ho jaye toh dukh hota hai, lekin dost first aa jaye toh zyada dukh hota hai."
Parents
The film's most moving scenes are Manoj's conversation with his parents. Two scenes appear back to back—one with his mother and one with his father—where he becomes more mature. When he visits home, his mother, Pushpa (Geeta Aggarwal Sharma), tries to portray that everything is fine even though she is struggling to make ends meet. Manoj is intuitive enough to see her lying, and he confronts her. And then, Manoj's father visits him in Delhi. He breaks down seeing Manoj's deplorable living conditions and says he is ready to let go of his honesty to give his family a better life. Manoj consoles his father and reminds him of the poem of not giving up that he used to teach them. In this moment, Manoj becomes the emotionally mature one, becoming the father to his father. And all the while, he still has a smile on his face. These were some of the most moving moments in the film.
Shraddha
Manoj finds a special friend in Shraddha, who becomes his emotional support. She was always there for him. When his prelims were not clear, she held his hands. When he was going for his interview, she held his hands. When the results came in, she was the one who checked in for him. Their love is beautiful in the quiet moments. When he gets two chocolates for writing the best essay in his class, he gives both to her. When he sees a book he wants to read but cannot afford, she buys it for him. In another lovely moment, she takes him for a haircut, and the barber asks what kind of haircut he wants—IAS or IPS?
There is also a shoe-related scene with them. When Manoj and Shraddha go for an interview, he wears a new pair of shoes, which makes him feel uncomfortable. Shraddha tells him as they are new, they might be tight, but they will gradually open up. Manoj keeps looking at the shoes when he is asked a question during his interview. But after answering questions about failing in the 12th Class, he is asked to wait out. At that point, he reads the letter from Shraddha, where she writes that she will always support him and she wants to marry him. Then, he feels relaxed after reading her proposal and takes off his shoes. He is visibly more confident in the interview after this. It was not clear to me what the shoes were trying to say, apart from loosening up a bit, but the whole interview was beautifully done except, perhaps, for the caricature of the strict interviewer.
Little Details
The film uses little details to denote the passage of time. When Manoj visits his village after a few years, his sister (played by a different actor) has grown up. When he started studying, there were posters of Vidhu Vinod Chopra's Mission Kashmir, which showed that the timeline was around 2000. The coaching center has photgraphs of Vajpayee, which showed that the timeline was around 2000. At Deep Mohan's office, there were photographs of Manmohan Singh and APJ Abdul Kalam, indicating the timeline around 2005.
A poster of Mission Kashmir (2000)
What also stands out in the film is how, in many places, it subverts our expectations of the narrative. For example, when he and his brother were arrested, in my mind, I kept wondering if his brother would be killed or if something would happen to his family, making Manoj then rage against the system. But then, nothing untoward happens. Or how Shraddha's father would oppose their match, but it is solved without much consternation.
Atal Bihari Vajpayee
Manmohan Singh
Performance
Vikrant Massey, as Manoj, has given his best career performance. I remember him since the days he played Shyam in Balika Vadhu in 2008. The adulation he has received for his performance is totally deserving and mirrors the hard work of his reel-life character, Manoj. It is the culmination of his hard work over the years.
The Ending
On the day the final results were declared, Shraddha and Manoj went to check it. Manoj was not confident as he felt the interview did not go well. Shraddha looks them up while he stands a few feet away. When she nods her head, Manoj falls to the ground and breaks down. For a moment, it took me to that stunning scene in Sajid Ali's Laila Majnu, where, after years of waiting, Qais finally sees Laila in the flesh after four years. His body cannot take it, and he falls by her one glimpse. The stories of Qais and Manoj are obviously different, but something that has given them strength over the years makes them weak at that moment. In the climactic scene in 12th Fail, Pandey recites the second anubhuti from Vajpayee's Geet Naya Gaata Hun, closing the arc of the film's opening scene where Manoj's father spoke a few lines from the same poem. Often, movies make us laugh and cry, but sometimes, they give us the courage to write and sing the many songs of our lives.

"Toote hute taaron se phoote baasanti swar, 
patthar ki chaati me aa gaya nav ankur, 
jharre sab peele paat, koyal ki kuhuk raat, 
prachi me arunim ki rekh dekh paata hun, 
geet naya gaata hun."
Other Reading and Listening:
1. On A Death in the GunjLink
2. On ChhapaakLink
3. On Vikrant Massey—Podcast Link

Dialogue of the Day:
"If I cannot be the sun that lights up the earth; if I cannot be the sun that shines upon the earth, I can still be a lamp and light up my street."
Manoj, 12th Fail

Friday, January 19, 2024

Three of Us—Back to the Origin

In Three of Us, Avinash Arun takes us on a journey to contemplate the realm of memories. Do our memories define us? Do we cease to exist if we forget our memories? Do we eternally remember some of our memories? He tells the beautiful story of Shailaja (Shefali Shah), who is on the cusp of losing her memories due to dementia. Before she forgets everything, she takes a trip with her husband, Dipankar (Swanand Kirkire), to the quaint hamlet of Vengurla. She seeks rediscovery of the girl she was before age caught up with her. She seeks forgiveness from her childhood lover, Pradeep (Jaideep Ahlawat), when she left him abruptly. She seeks healing from the wounds of her traumatic past when she lost someone special.
In Shubhashish Bhutiani's Mukti Bhawan, a septuagenarian named Daya (Lalit Behl) believes his time of death has come. Therefore, he travels with his son (who coincidentally, like Dipankar, is an insurance agent) to a place called Mukti Bhawan, a hotel for people who are waiting for their deaths. Daya lets go of past resentments during his stay, forms new bonds, and finds salvation before leaving the world. Daya's pilgrimage to Mukti Bhavan parallels Shailaja's odyssey to her childhood home. While one seeks closure before they leave the world, the other seeks closure before their memories leave them. In the film's final moments, Shailaja and Pradeep ride on a Ferris wheel. They get stuck mid-air when things take a pause. These moments allow them the serenity to relinquish any past resentments and reconcile their niggling issues. They talk about forgiving and remembering. And then, the Ferris wheel starts spinning again. It is a poignant moment representing the start and stop of their relationship and the circle of life itself.
Memories are the leitmotif in Three of Us. Characters keep evoking memories in their conversations. Early in the film, a few men talk about the emotional attachments of memories. "Kahin un yaadon ke bhoj me woh building hi na gir jaaye," he chortles. Shailaja's friends joke about her forgetting things and then realizing the unsuitability of the joke. Pradeep's daughter talks about feeling scared when she forgets her crayons in art class. Shailaja's biggest fear is she may forget her son Bharat, who remains unseen throughout the film. Shailaja and Dipankar use their cell phones to record events as they might help her remember events later. They talk about storing memories in the cloud. In another wonderful moment, Shailaja's old teacher says that she sensed the essence of her dead husband in the photographs he clicked long after he passed away; after all, photographs are nothing but another device used to capture memories. 
Three of Us also uses the present events to manifest and evoke past memories. Its narrative commences with Shailaja immersed in her work at a family court, presiding over a couple seeking separation. The man in the relationship wants to extend the time of counseling, while the woman wants to leave. It mirrors Shailaja's own past when she chose to depart from Pradeep's life during their youth. On the train to Vengurla, Shailaja seems enamored of the two sisters playing, echoing her history with her deceased sister. Pradeep, too, grapples with the reflections of the past, witnessing his elder daughter's conflicts with another boy reminiscent of the dynamics he and Shailaja once shared. He observes children—a girl and a boy—cycling, evoking memories of his own childhood. Early in the film, an old lady starts saying something to Shailaja. This moment is repeated later when she meets another old lady in Vengurla. Shailaja tells the old lady that everyone told her that she would have died and that she would have forgotten her. But the lady replies that she is alive precisely because Shailaja remembered her. The old lady, unseen by others, symbolizes Shailaja's personal memory. The old lady has not aged as she continues to live on in Shailaja's mind. She is not seen by anyone as she is only Shailaja's personal memory. Three of Us underscores memories' non-linearity and inherently personal nature and explores how they can resurface at any moment.
In the journey of Three of Us, Shailaja's two companions are her husband, Dipankar, and her old lover, Pradeep. Both these men in Three of Us are caring, considerate, and creative. Dipankar works as an insurance agent. He does not feel good about it, though, as he has to make people scared about worst-case scenarios to sell insurance policies. Early in the film, when drinking with his male friends, he brings cocktails to the women in the kitchen. It is a counterpoint to the situation in Neeraj Ghaywan's short film Juice (which also starred Shefali Shah), where the men simply gave orders to the women. Dipankar is preparing for the unknown future, where he will have to be his wife's primary caregiver, perhaps like the aged couple in Mani Ratnam's O Kadhal Kanmani. At one point, he oils his wife's hair. We don't see such scenes in films where a man cares for a woman who is not yet sick. When he first meets Pradeep, his wife's childhood lover, he has the sense to excuse himself and let them talk privately. At another point, he sits in the backseat of the car while Shailaja sits in the front with Pradeep. He is an art appreciator and can understand the depth of someone's art, whether singing or poetry. He sings for his wife.
On the other hand, Pradeep is a banker who is interested in writing. Shailaja's return reignites his old passion for poetry. He also does embroidery for his wife. Again, I don't recall any film where a man has done something like this as a hobby. Pradeep is intuitive and can sense that something is not right with Shailaja. He is shy and keeps his eyes low. There is a scene at the restaurant where he tells Shailaja about his father, who disappeared from home. He is left heartbroken by the lack of closure. It made me wonder if this was also how he would have felt when Shailaja left him. After all, she also did not say anything to him before leaving.
The dynamics between the three characters in Three of Us are reminiscent of Celine Song's Past Lives, which also deals with a similar theme where a woman's old lover visits her. In fact, at one stage, Pradeep says, "Pichle janam ki baat lagti hai." It seems like a past life. Like it was in Past Lives, the husband's character here is mature and understanding; however, his envy and insecurity overtake him for a fleeting moment. Dipankar feels he does not know this new Shailaja. Pradeep seems to know her better than he knows her. He asks Shailaja if she was ever happy with him, the way she is after meeting Pradeep, as he cannot remember their happy times. Not being happy does not mean that she is sad, she tells him. With the rigmarole of daily life, they all change gradually. Like how she prefers coffee while he prefers tea. There is a fourth wheel to the dynamics—Pradeep's wife, Sarika (Kadambari Kadam). The relationship between Pradeep and Sarika is also honest and transparent, and they do not try to hide anything from each other. Sarika is lovely and has a mind of her own. She says that she found it weird that Shailaja has come to visit Pradeep, but a nice kind of weird.
Three of Us has some thoughtful dialogue. For instance, when the three of them visit the school, Dipankar says childhood spaces look smaller when you grow up. Pradeep replies that kids have bigger hearts; therefore, everything looks big in childhood. At another stage, Shailaja laughs when she reads in Pradeep's book that the number nineteen in Hindi looks like two people upset with one another. I was reminded of the idiom '36 ka aankra', using the same analogy. When written in the Devanagari script, the numbers three and six are mirror images. This idiom is used to refer to people who don't get along. There are other little touches. In another moment related to the film's sensitive portrayal of men, there is a male Bharatnatyam dancer when Shailaja visits her school. When I put this on social media, one of the filmmakers mentioned that the director specifically asked for a male dancer to be included in the scene. Also, it is not mentioned, but I suspect that the reason Shailaja became an atheist was related to the death of her sister.
All three lead characters deliver great performances. After giving a memorable performance as the teacher in Jaane Jaan, Jaideep Ahlawat is yet again splendid in his role as Pradeep. Shefali Shah is, as always, wonderful, but there is a certain consciousness in her facial expressions and dialogue delivery, which sometimes feels more like a theatrical performance. Kadambari Kadam also manages to steal her scenes. The film also has a beautiful score. There are two tributes to Kumar Gandharva. His two songs—Saware Aai Jaiyo and Nain Ghat Ghatatan Ek Ghari—are played in the film. At another point, Dipankar sings Surmai Shaam from Lekin. Shailaja's teacher describes her relationship with Pradeep as similar to that of Teja and Daga from Mr. India, which is a lovely way to describe a romantic relationship.
In Vengurla, Shailaja visits her old home where she used to stay as a girl. She takes a walk in the backyard, where lies a well. When she sees it, something traumatizes her, and she runs away. The well brings back tragic memories as her sister died at the same spot. In the end, she takes the last steps and reaches the well. She looks towards the sky, finding solace in the vast expanse above, remembering her sister. She returns to her udgam—the origin—and embraces her past, acknowledging its scars on her soul. She takes those last steps, not to forget, but to find closure and peace, leaving behind the shadows that once haunted her and preparing for her tomorrow. Because as Pradeep said, "Kal toh tabhi aayega, jab aaj khela jayega."

Other Reading:
1. On Past LivesLink
2. On Mukti BhawanLink
3. On Once AgainLink

Dialogue of the Day:
"Kal toh tabhi aayega, jab aaj khela jayega."
—Pradeep, Three of Us

Monday, January 1, 2024

Giving Yourself Grace

A year ends. A new one begins. It is the circle of time. Nothing really changes, but the last few days of the year give us some time to reflect on the year that went by and look at the upcoming new year with some hope. I remember Aisha's words in Wake Up Sid (said in a different context, but I take the liberty to use them here), "Apni manzil ke peeche daudte hue hamari nazar kai baaton se hat jaati hai, isliye kuch der ke liye hi sahi, apni busy zindagi se kuch samay ke liye hi apni nazar hataiye." Take a pause before starting again. I typically do this on my birthday post, but I want to write a yearly review for myself, like the Spotify Wrapped series. I got the idea of the content to put in the yearly review from a newsletter, so I write with honesty about how my last year went.

My whole life only revolves around work. I don't have anything else going on. Early in the year, I got an opportunity to lead a team of five people directly, which was a big moment for me. I have managed people indirectly before, but this was a lot of responsibility and work. You have to protect the team while not micromanaging. It taught me many things. But recently, I decided to try something else. I have a new role at work, and I like it. Yesterday only, my manager sent me a gift card for a project I did in the last quarter. Work has been challenging because of the fear of layoffs since last year. You have to constantly prove that you bring value. It is a harsh reality of the times we live in.
R gave me this. 
I got a tiny little place that I could call my own. It is not grand. It is not luxurious. But it works for me. It is near my work. It is initially difficult to adjust to the fact that things will break, so I have to mentally prepare for some unplanned expenses. Then, I also learned how innovative and ridiculous these amortization schedules are for payment of principal and interest. Everyone wants to make money.
My bookshelf
I focused on my health again this year. I have not missed one workout this year. I have also kept an average step count of 8,000 steps daily. I was slightly gaining, trying to add back some of the weight. I have never looked great in my life, so I have this thing that I want to look good. I understand all the food-related things. I understand all the different exercises. My Instagram Explore feed shows only three things: i) maths and grammar quizzes, ii) New Yorker cartoons, and iii) reels related to bodybuilding. I get so jealous of those with great bodies. The human body is a miracle in itself. I get why Michelangelo sculpted the statue of David. I don't have the perfect 'form' in the gym, but I do strength training without injuring myself. So, I was at the gym one day, and there is a trainer who comes there to train people. He came to me and told me I see you almost every day. You are dedicated, and it seems this is really important to you, but you are doing this exercise incorrectly. I can help you if you want. I was initially embarrassed, but he came from a place of good intentions. I then had 1-2 sessions with him, and he helped me out, which made me realize in-person training can actually be beneficial. I cannot afford daily sessions with him as they are expensive. Even though I now do things relatively in better form, I feel that I have plateaued a bit. Building muscle is really hard. You can pay for many things in the world, but you cannot pay for a great body. I wish I started this earlier. It boosts one's confidence. I don't feel stressed by things that used to bother me a few years ago. For next year, I am also trying to learn how to do a headstand.
3 million steps in 2023

My Instagram Explore
I did not get to travel anywhere this year. I had to cancel some tickets from last year, and the airline gave me some credit that can be used till the end of this year. Unfortunately, all of it is going to waste as I did not feel like going anywhere. Honestly, I don't enjoy the process of travel. I wish I could just be transported instantly like it used to happen in Harry Potter. I don't like flying at all. It is also why I have not visited India in over three years. I also don't like going anywhere on weekends these days. I waste more time on weekends, and my mind goes in all sorts of random directions. I prefer weekdays as I have a set routine. It is why I like going to work. I don't like working from home.

I suffered a significant loss of money in a financial scam. It was all because of my stupidity. I should have checked. When it happened, I could not stop thinking about it for so long. I could not tell anyone. I have not told anyone even till now. It is an atrocious feeling that someone steals your money. We find ways to cope. I got over the feeling by convincing myself that I just donated it.

I have not written as much as I wanted to. While there have been many good films this year, I could not find enough substance and themes to write detailed posts on them. And I did not really like the big ones. Like Jawan or Tu Jhoothi Main Makkaar. And, the thing is, some days, I really feel it is not worth it. Fifty views on a post is hilarious. But then, the only messages I get from people are about the writing. I met a blog reader, S, who came to meet me when they were visiting Seattle. They messaged that they had been reading the blog for years. They brought a gift and gave me this card. I felt special. I got a message from someone on Instagram about the podcast. I got a message from one of the best writers in India that she wants to read my book and asked if it would be possible for me to send it to her. I then shipped it to her. It is these things that make me feel like maybe my words have some impact, even if it is little. 
Card from S
Message from A
Message from S
I have an Instagram account with 14.8K followers. I wanted to grow it this year to a lot more. However, for the last five months, it has been stuck at this number. The algorithm only promotes accounts that post reels, which I feel have a minimal shelf life. I still believe in the power of the written word, as it can survive for ages. I guess I will continue to write here, but I want to diversify my writing. I am going to try to write the kinds of posts that I used to write from 2010 to 2014 about interesting things seen in day to day life. Because I feel like I am forgetting things, as they said in The Lunchbox, "We forget things if we have no one to tell them to."

I have also started a freelancing job. It pays decently on an hourly basis. It is related to teaching. I am also trying to see if I can 'sell' my book. There were some issues due to which I could not do it earlier. But the publishing cost is far more than the retail price, where people are unwilling to pay Rs. 99. Everything teaches you a lot about business. I might decide to only go ahead if it is viable.

I further drifted apart from my friends. When you reach a particular stage in life, people get busy with their lives. I used to feel terrible that they were ignoring me. I don't feel as bad now. Life is hard for everyone. That is why, these days, I remain focused on myself. On Twitter, I also retweet funny tweets. As my mother says, "Sabse acchhe se bolo and enjoy karo."

In 2022, I was often in the mode of comparing myself with others. I was becoming too focused on what I didn't have instead of what I had. It is not good for your health. So, this year, I have practiced thankfulness and gratitude for everything you have. I have a colleague at work who gave me this beautiful advice. Don't beat yourself up for everything. Give yourself grace for what you have achieved. That is one of the most beautiful phrases that someone has told me. I will try to follow this, and I hope that others follow it as well. Giving yourself grace.

Wishing everyone a happy new year!